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Soul of Adoption is a forum designed to provide support, foster communication, and strengthen understanding. Adoption issues may be painful or involve strong emotions or views, and members from different experiences may have very divergent opinions. Therefore, it cannot be emphasized enough that within this community, members are expected to address each other respectfully, calmly, with civility, and in a spirit of cooperation.
Attacks on the site, on the moderating team, or on individual members are not permitted because such actions damage the community as a whole. We recognize that each person’s definition of personal attack may differ. Below we list some examples of behavior that would be seen as an inappropriate attack. Because there will still be gray areas, the interpretation of this rule is at the discretion of the moderating team. If you disagree with a moderating decision, please raise your concern with the administrator at admin@soulofadoption.com . The administrator’s decision is final.
1. Attacks on the Soul of Adoption Site:
As noted in the Terms of Service, spamming, hacking, and otherwise trying to disrupt the site is prohibited, and engaging in such activities will lead to a permanent ban, and blocking of the IP address of the offender.
We are a community, and this site is run with a large degree of community input. While constructive criticism is welcomed, even encouraged, statements that attack the site as a whole are insulting to the members of this community and are not acceptable. A statement like: “I’m tired of all the quarreling.” is fine. Saying “This site sucks” is not, particularly if you have shown yourself to be unwilling to participate in improving the site as a whole. We invite members to actively participate in decisions relating to the administration of this site on the “Forum Administration & Announcements” forum. If you choose not to participate in our process of improvement, please don’t then tear us apart because we’re not doing things the way you want us to.
2. Attacks on Groups or Sides of the Plane:
This site was established not only to provide support, but to foster understanding and promote dialogue across the plane. Therefore, attacks on one side of the plane would be contrary to the goals of SofA. One would hope it would go without saying, but to confirm — no, you cannot say, “adoptive parents are selfish, greedy, baby-stealers,” or “birth parents are irresponsible and immoral” or “adoptees are maladjusted or ungrateful”. Statements of this nature would be considered an attack, designed to sow dissention and cause hurt. This rule also applies to sub-groups, such as parents adopting internationally, adoptees searching for biological family members, or biological fathers (e.g., the use of the term “sperm donor” should be reserved for its intended use in discussions related to artificial insemination, and except in that case, should not to refer to the person that contributed 50% of someone’s DNA).
3. Personal Attacks:
Engaging in personal, or ad hominem attacks, is not permitted. Such attacks are disruptive and gratuitously painful, and not in accordance with the spirit of community and support. A personal attack is characterized by the substitution of abusive remarks for evidence or reasoned argument when debating another person’s position. While it is impossible to precisely define, below are some examples of what the moderating team will consider an attack. Because people can sometimes become very creative in skirting whatever rule is put in place, the moderating team will use its best judgment in interpreting this rule. Again, any disagreements with moderating decisions can be raised with the administrator at: admin@soulofadoption.com.
(a) Name calling or hurling insults: Saying a statement is idiotic is permissible (though perhaps not terribly gentle or likely to foster constructive dialogue). Saying “You’re an idiot” is not. Gentle joking or teasing posts between members, particularly in light-hearted threads and/or between ‘online buddies’, are obviously exempt from the rule.
(b) Any statements designed to belittle members because of their race, religion, ethnicity, or sexual orientation is strictly forbidden. This includes belittling members based on their ties to adoption. It is NOT acceptable to target a member because you take issue with other triad positions “in general.” This is not an area in which testing the limits is advisable.
(c) Disparaging someone’s character or lifestyle: Directly or indirectly implying that a member has a flaw or weakness in their personality, beliefs, lifestyle, convictions or principles is a personal attack. Examples could include questioning single parenting choices, career choices, or even the amount of time a member spends on the forum. Comments of this nature are not helpful. Resorting to using these tactics as an attempt to discredit the source to weaken the argument indicates a lack of solid argument in the speaker. Address the issue, not the person.
(d) Harassing members with whom you’ve had conflicts is not permissible. Repeatedly throwing out barbs you know are likely to get under someone’s skin is behavior designed to hurt and provoke, and may therefore be considered a personal attack. Following a member around from thread to thread trying to harass them into losing their temper is aggressive and disruptive. The moderating team may also view attempts to rile another member by misquoting them, picking apart their statements relentlessly, or engaging in group attacks on members as behavior designed to provoke, and such actions may be deemed impermissible. We know this is probably behavior where the interpretation is most subjective, and therefore penalties will likely not be imposed unless attempts to caution a member or request a change in behavior are disregarded. The moderating team will use its best judgment in accordance with the spirit of the site, and individual members are welcome to question such decisions by contacting the administrator.
(e) Deliberately derailing threads with which you disagree, or when the author is one with whom you’ve had conflicts, is not constructive. If such behavior is obvious or repeated, it may be considered a personal attack.
(f) Using a member’s email address or personal website to attack them, to encourage others to do so, or to get even for some real or perceived wrong by signing them up for spam mail is abusive behavior. Just because it happens off-site doesn’t mean you can abuse fellow members of this community using information you gained from our site.
(g) If a member behaves abusively or engages in personal attacks, posting in support of the one attacking, even if the statement you post is otherwise benign, may be considered as having engaged in a personal attack yourself. Example: Poster A says ‘I can’t talk to you - you are irrational and stupid.” If Poster B responds with “I agree”, or “You tell her!”, or even with little clapping smilies, they are no less guilty of a personal attack than the person making the abusive statements and may be penalized accordingly.
(h) Just because a member was abusive to you does not give you the right to retaliate. Use the report to moderator button. If you retaliate, you are not likely to escape moderation just because “she started it”.
(i) Finally, in case it is not obvious – the moderators and administrator are also individuals and members of this community. The prohibition against personal attacks therefore applies equally to attacks against a moderator or the administrator.
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