Soul of Adoption

The first time I ever hear of the term birth mother was after I went into reunion with my son. It was a few weeks later when I joined up with adoption forums and immediately I felt uncomfortable with the term. I couldn’t explain why I felt like this I just didn’t like it at all.

With time I found out others didn’t like it much either but put up with it as it is the pc term to use for mothers like us. What did we all have in common? We have relinquished a child.

For those who understand the label yet haven’t relinquished a child it is considered an appropriate way to describe women who have. From a personal point of view I may as well be called a battery hen as that’s exactly how I feel when I here the term. Other arguments that can be used are that I am not a “baby breeder”, an “incubator” (for adoptive parents) and I certainly didn’t just give birth. After all what about the nine months leading up to labour and going through labour. Then of course there is the other issue that I DID NOT choose adoption for my son I was lied, pressured and coerced into this.

Over the past couple of years I have been told that it is disrespectful to adoptive parents to want to use an alternative term for myself. My response back each time is: where is the respect for me when others insist on using a term for me that I find offensive and disrespectful? Respect goes both ways.

I may not legally be a mother as I didn’t go on to have other children but the laws of nature tell me that I am. I can also argue that if a mother who relinquished a child earns the term birth mother then all mothers who have children should be called the same not just those who relinquished.

Terms are something I dislike intensely and only use when I have to so why can’t everybody be respectful of the term an individual prefers to use for them self.

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