When we first decided to adopt, I was blind to what really happens in adoption. Your focus is so much on the dream of becoming a parent that you do not see things that might otherwise be red flags into what is good or what is right or what is fair.
First and foremost, I want to say that I am an adoptive mother to two absolutely precious little girls from Guatemala. I would not trade my little girls for anything and I have made it a point to love them and to put myself in their shoes with regard to how they may see their lives as adoptees.
To me, as an adoptive mother, I cannot be blind to the fact that my children are adopted. I think, so many times, adoptive parents get caught up so much in the fact that they will become a parent, they deny or push aside the fact that their child will be different. Very quickly after my girls came home, I began to research and I am so thrilled that I learned stories from adoptees and mothers who relinguished their child. We are all a part of adoption and the more I educate myself and the more I learn about the feelings my children may experience, the better mother I will be in helping them reconcile who they are.
In learning about adoption, I have found there are so many holes in the system and all of us are getting hurt by it. You may be an adoptive parent and you may think that your child is “yours” and you do not have to think about their adoption journey. But, our world is changing and as long as adoption is in the limelight with celebrity trends and as long as adoption is the most unregulated highest profit industry in the U.S., we are all going to be hurt by it. Mothers have attorneys standing at the foot of their beds to pressure them into signing their child away. Attorneys and agencies send brochures to high schools preying upon young girls who fear telling their parents they are pregnant. Do we really want to take babies or do we want to become mothers through ethical, happy means? How would I explain to my children that I knew their first mother was coerced? That was not the case, as far as I know with my children, but I’ve met countless incredibly wonderful women who did go through that. Think of how much you love your child and think of how hard it would be if they were taken from you. That is how many mothers who have lost their child to adoption feel.
As adoptive parents, how many hoops did we jump through and how much money did we pay out? Who did it go to? How much profit was made at the cost of our deepest desire? What does the industry do to make sure there is a supply of babies combined with nickle and diming potential adoptive parents to death? How many facilitators have any interaction with parents and children after an adoption is complete?
We must realize that our children are the adoptees of tomorrow and how adoption is perceived in our community is how our children will perceive a part of who they are. In my opinion, there is no threat for adoptive parents to become involved in reform. I think the majority of us wanted to be parents, but I hardly think many would adopt when they knew there was unethical practices involved. As I continue to post on this blog, I welcome questions, feedback and your thoughts with regard to adoptive parents supporting reform. I adore my two little girls and I also adore the mothers and adoptees that I have met through my education. I know I will be a better mother because I’ve taken the time to educate myself on what my children may experience.
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